Archive for category expat kids
The Cost of the Expat Summer Holiday
Posted by Xpatulator in 2011 international cost of living, becoming an expat, cost of living comparison, Expat attitudes, expat children, expat kids, expatriate, Expatriate Hardship, Expatriate Pay, Expatriate Relocation, Expatriate Salary on September 14, 2011
The air of excitement that we all felt while waiting at the airport to go home for the summer holidays was noticeable everywhere. It was 11pm, 2 weeks into the summer holidays and yet the airport was still crowded with expats on their way home for the 2 – 3 month holiday period to destinations all over the world.
It is the strangest sensation, leaving your home behind. Locking the doors and knowing that you will not be back in your own home for that period of time.
Before we became expats we would never have considered such a long holiday, that would have been insane. Now after 3 years, it is normal. We either ship the animals into a boarding home or get a house sitter, cover as much as we can to keep it clean while we are away, say goodbye to friends and neighbors, arrange to meet family and friends on the other side and off we go.
Those first two weeks are the best, catching up with family and old friends that have known you forever, that know your quirks, bad and good points. Getting back into the groove of your home country, slang, driving and food, which takes approximately 1 minute. Settling down to a good home cooked breakfast that you can only get and have cooked as you have always known it to be.
You book every doctor you can think of to ensure that all your routine medicals are completed before you go home. These lead to more medicals and you spend another two weeks running from pillar to post ensuring everyone goes back to your host country healthy and happy.
You try and visit all the local historical sites, places of interest and fun parks to ensure that the kids are having fun and are being educated along the route. You cram in as much time with Gran, Grandad, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and any other form of relative you can find so that the children can have the time in these 2 months with their family that they have missed out on over the last 10. Old friends are gathered together for catch ups, school and uni friends of your own, school friends of your children, work mates, and friends that you have made over the years and in the rush you find the excitement exhilarating. Shopping becomes fun as you hit all the old haunts and stock up on little delicacies you cannot find in your host country. In our case that would be pork and having a glass of wine at a side cafe.
That is usually our first port of call, to find a restaurant at the airport as we land and have a good old English Breakfast of Bacon, egg, bangers, tomato and toast. Then as the weeks pass, there would be the obligatory spare ribs, bangers and mash, pork rashers and pork chops and last but not least a good pork roast. Having said that these 2 months fill you up for the next 10.
Unfortunately during this time, your partner has to go back to work. Most partners manage 3 or 4 weeks with the family, or do 2 weeks on and then go back and work and come back for another 2 weeks. This is the period which I call the bachelor / ette time, where the host country sees a menagerie of single people floating around. They seem lost and without focus and tend to gather around in groups, not quite knowing what they should be doing and where they should be going. Lost phone calls make their way to the home country, of days of missing family and spouses, of missing the constant noise in the house, of missing the mess and rushed breakfasts. On the other hand, some partners love the time apart to chill, go out and have no responsibilities but for themselves. The spouse in the home country also misses the normality of home life, but is in essence still in the romantized dream of catch up.
It is not all roses though, unless you have a home in your own country, you are living with family and out of suitcases. If you are traveling, you are living in hotel rooms. It is a long time to be away from home.
Then there is the time to come home. To pack and say your goodbyes, knowing that you will not see everyone again for a long time. It is an idolized lifestyle. You are the expat, the one with the exciting life, the one that has taken the initiative to embrace change. This does not stop the tears though, each goodbye has its own lonely heartbreak, as you see your children hug their grandparents and cousins that they love so much. As you cling on to your parents and siblings, knowing that you will only touch again in a very long time to come. It is tough. One of the tougher holidays to go home for, as it is longer and you settle back into your home country routine again, things are comfortable and familiar, you know the shops, the people, the roads, the customs.
You say your goodbyes and at the airport on the way home the kids start chatting about their rooms, their toys, their friends, their new school year and after school activities. They talk about what they are going to do in the new school year and how much they are looking forward to the new challenges. You think of your own challenges, your own room, your own new friends and you know that it is fun and that you are going to embrace the new school year with vigor and enthusiasm to match those of your children.
As an expat how was your holiday? Did you go home, travel the world? What did you do?
Denise is an Expat, Mom, Wife, writer and Marketing Manager at http://www.xpatulator.com/ a website that provides cost of living index information and calculates what you need to earn in a different location to compensate for cost of living, hardship, and exchange rate differences. The complete cost of living rank for all 300 locations for all 13 baskets is available here.
Which expat are you?
The one great advantage when you exercise is not only getting fit and in shape, but also that it gives your mind time to think. My thoughts during my last session was on the different types of Expats that you get. I am not referring to nationalities or cultures but more to the country that you find yourself being an expat in which can determine the type of expat you will be.
I determined that there are 3 types of expat country experiences:
1. When as an expat you move to a country that is similar to your own, but you are still culturally different, e.g. an American moving to Britain. Fundamentally, you speak the same language, you eat similar foods, you have similar cultural habits and have watched movies or listened to music that is, can I say it again, similar.
However, even with these similarities there are differences too, they are minute but they are there. Whether it is a word that is different but has the same meaning, e.g. Barbeque to the South African Braai, or the way you address someone from a courteous “Hello, how do you do?” to “Hiya doin?” There are differences and you can feel and do experience these within the country. Your accent is also a dead giveaway and sometimes as an expat you are shunned purely due to this basic difference.
2. The country in between two extremes, this would be the expat that moves from e.g. Australia (English being the common language) to the Middle East. Your official business language is English and most people would be able to speak and understand English, but you cannot do the same for their official language. There is a commonality that exists as well, this host country has been exposed to Western culture through trade and industry, politics and commerce. Sometimes these expats are more readily accepted as a foreign guest in their country. You are respectful of your host countries culture and traditions and are willing to emerge yourself into becoming part of the culture.
3. Moving to a country that is the polar opposite to what you are used to, your nationality is completely and utterly different e.g. Argentinian moving to China. The official language is one that most people will battle to learn, so when you are standing in a queue you haven’t got a clue what is being said around you. Your culture, traditions and habits are as vast as the Sahara Desert. You really have to acquire new skills and make major adaptations to survive. As much as this type of expat experience can be rather a challeneg, it can have surprising advantages. If you cannot understand the local language, it incentivises you to learn and forces you to be more adventurous and social in trying to fit in and develop a commonality with the local population. Expats also tend to support each other more as everyone can feel the vast divide between locals and expats. It allows groups of expats to formalize clubs that bind common interests and creates a social infrastructure of support.
There is another type of expat that we should include under number 3, this would be a person moving from e.g. China to America. Commonly when a Westerner moves to a host country as an expat there are systems set up to support these people, e.g. compounds in which to live, social groups to belong to, etc. However, this is not necessarily the case for non-Western expats when moving from their countries to e.g. America or the UK. These expats are not living in compounds or introduced to groups that are similar to themselves. They are often left to their own devices and need to find their own survival mechanisms. This type of expat experience could actually be the most difficult of all.
Which expat are you and are there more?
Denise is an Expat, Mom, Wife and Marketing Manager at http://www.xpatulator.com/ a website that provides cost of living index information and calculates what you need to earn in a different location to compensate for cost of living, hardship, and exchange rate differences. The complete cost of living rank for all 300 locations for all 13 baskets is available here.
The Seasoned Expat continued……
Posted by Xpatulator in 2011 international cost of living, cost of living, cost of living allowance, cost of living calculator, cost of living comparison, cost of living index, expat, Expat attitudes, expat children, expat kids, Expat schooling, expatriate, expatriate engagement, Expatriate Hardship on June 23, 2011
The Seasoned Expat continued……
Posted by Xpatulator in 2011 international cost of living, cost of living, cost of living allowance, cost of living calculator, cost of living comparison, cost of living index, cost of living ranking, cost of living rankings, expat, Expat attitudes, expat children, expat kids, Expat schooling, expatriate, expatriate engagement, Expatriate Hardship on June 22, 2011
The Seasoned Expat
Posted by Xpatulator in 2011, 2011 international cost of living, cost of living, cost of living allowance, cost of living calculator, cost of living index, cost of living ranking, cost of living rankings, expat, Expat attitudes, expat children, expat kids, Expat Kids Expat chilren, Expat schooling, expatriate, expatriate engagement, Expatriate Hardship, Expatriate Package, Expatriate Pay, Expatriate Prospects, Expatriate Relocation, Expatriate Salary on June 20, 2011
2. Can the animals come with, what are the laws regarding this?
2. Finding a relocation / removal company
3. Finding an animal relocation company, if you are taking the animals with
4. Buying airline tickets
5. Settling any debts that may arise while you are away
6. Setting up a way to pay for any debts that may arise
7. Saying goodbye to family and friends
8. Selecting a family member or friend to deal with any business / banking issues that may arise
As an Expat how do you communicate?
Posted by Xpatulator in 2011 international cost of living, expat, Expat attitudes, expat children, expat kids, Expat Kids Expat chilren, expatriate, Expatriate Hardship, Expatriate Package, Expatriate Pay on June 12, 2011
Expat Kids – Being Open minded
Posted by Xpatulator in expat kids on May 28, 2009
Being Open minded:
In every case of becoming an expat, the circumstances you are going to experience are going to be different, even if you move within the USA, if you have not been brought up in the culture it is going to be an adjustment. Parents need to be open minded about a culture, to allow their children to be open minded about it too.
Denise says: I remember when we first moved to the Middle East we found the people drove like maniacs and we raise our arms like the ??? in the movie Madagascar and say “Look at me look at me I am a crazy local driver” and all roll around laughing. Eventually our kids were mimicking us and believed that all Middle Eastern people drove badly. We had to correct them on that and say, eventually everyone that lives here drives badly, it is just how it is here and somehow you adjust, even we drive badly now.
Monique says: Being an expat parent really depends on a lot of things, like where you are being posted, most of my postings have been to central African countries where food and medical care can be scarce, this can be stressful with younger kids and as a parent you need to be open minded and be prepared to adjust and change your way of thinking and learn many new skills, like administering medical aid, sometimes going as far as doing your own stitches on a screaming kid without pain killers.
You have to have a positive attitude as an Expat
Posted by Xpatulator in expat children, expat kids, Expatriate Relocation, expats, moving countries on May 19, 2009
Your attitude as the adult and parent is going to greatly influence how your children settle in the country and accept the move.
We can decide whether to be positive or negative about becoming expats. The more positive parent results in a well adjusted child who looks at the glass half, finds the positive in every situation and tries to adjust as much as you do.
The positives, in themselves, of living in a new and different environment so outweigh the negatives. We can start with that fantastical dream of living abroad (the “Out of Africa” experience or exotic India thoughts), this is an adventure for you and them and it needs to be embraced as such.
Perhaps it is the benefit of a better environment, climate, economic situation, better job opportunities and prospects, a better political situation, safer country iow less violence, the reason you have left your country of origin is your positive and this positive must be lived every day by the family.
What you and your family are achieving can be what your peers back home can only dream of ever achieving one day. Your attitude back then, when you were deciding to take this adventure, was one of hope and opportunity, of adventure and new beginnings and this is how this dream needs to be lived.
Trudie says : We saw this move as a wonderful opportunity to expose our children to the world and maybe broaden their horizons.
I was 36 weeks pregnant when we arrived and I was stressed beyond mention. Adjusting to this part of the world was the hardest for me. I gave up a whole support system at home to have a baby in a strange country and had to cope on my own- with just Craig by my side. For Matthew (8) coming to this part of the world is associated with so many wonderful things-he got to be with dad again (as Dad was always away when we lived at home). He finally got a sibling that we had been praying so hard for. And he got to go to a new school, make new friends and take up a combat sport-For Matthew life was grand.
Shirley says: I hated where we moved to with a passion. It was cold, wet, windy, the people were not as friendly as I thought they would be and it was a really hard and lonely time for at least a year. My first six months I told my husband that I could not handle this place and wanted to go home, but the thought of the crime back home and the safety of my children was more important for me and that was an absolute put off. I really wanted my children to be able to come and go as they wanted and not always worry about whether they would be safe, or if I had to drive them somewhere, would I get hi-jacked. It took me long time to stop hugging my handbag to my chest, to stop looking over my shoulder to see if I was been followed or whether someone was going to snatch my bag, to stop locking all my car doors and putting my handbag under my seat. That became a plus in my book and I had to really work hard to change my attitude and that is what I did.
I still miss my family and my friends, but I have made new friends here and it helps a lot. I don’t worry about locking my car door anymore or worrying about whether my bag is going to be snatched etc, it makes life more simple and therefore I just carry on with life and hope and pray for the best. My children are happy and that is what counts.
Each of these parents has had a positive attitude towards their circumstances, even if it did not start off as positive eventually expat parents realize that only their positive experiences can result in their children having a positive attitude too.
Your Attitude counts for everything as an Expat
Posted by Xpatulator in Expat attitudes, expat kids, Expatriate Hardship, Expatriate Prospects, Expatriate Relocation, Expatriate Salary on May 19, 2009
Your attitude as the adult and parent is going to greatly influence how your children settle in the country and accept the move.
We can decide whether to be positive or negative about becoming expats. The more positive parent results in a well adjusted child who looks at the glass half, finds the positive in every situation and tries to adjust as much as you do.
The positives, in themselves, of living in a new and different environment so outweigh the negatives. We can start with that fantastical dream of living abroad (the “Out of Africa” experience or exotic India thoughts), this is an adventure for you and them and it needs to be embraced as such.
Perhaps it is the benefit of a better environment, climate, economic situation, better job opportunities and prospects, a better political situation, safer country iow less violence, the reason you have left your country of origin is your positive and this positive must be lived every day by the family.
What you and your family are achieving can be what your peers back home can only dream of ever achieving one day. Your attitude back then, when you were deciding to take this adventure, was one of hope and opportunity, of adventure and new beginnings and this is how this dream needs to be lived.
Trudie says : We saw this move as a wonderful opportunity to expose our children to the world and maybe broaden their horizons.
I was 36 weeks pregnant when we arrived and I was stressed beyond mention. Adjusting to this part of the world was the hardest for me. I gave up a whole support system at home to have a baby in a strange country and had to cope on my own- with just Craig by my side. For Matthew (8) coming to this part of the world is associated with so many wonderful things-he got to be with dad again (as Dad was always away when we lived at home). He finally got a sibling that we had been praying so hard for. And he got to go to a new school, make new friends and take up a combat sport-For Matthew life was grand.
Shirley says: I hated where we moved to with a passion. It was cold, wet, windy, the people were not as friendly as I thought they would be and it was a really hard and lonely time for at least a year. My first six months I told my husband that I could not handle this place and wanted to go home, but the thought of the crime back home and the safety of my children was more important for me and that was an absolute put off. I really wanted my children to be able to come and go as they wanted and not always worry about whether they would be safe, or if I had to drive them somewhere, would I get hi-jacked. It took me long time to stop hugging my handbag to my chest, to stop looking over my shoulder to see if I was been followed or whether someone was going to snatch my bag, to stop locking all my car doors and putting my handbag under my seat. That became a plus in my book and I had to really work hard to change my attitude and that is what I did.
I still miss my family and my friends, but I have made new friends here and it helps a lot. I don’t worry about locking my car door anymore or worrying about whether my bag is going to be snatched etc, it makes life more simple and therefore I just carry on with life and hope and pray for the best. My children are happy and that is what counts.
Each of these parents has had a positive attitude towards their circumstances, even if it did not start off as positive eventually expat parents realize that only their positive experiences can result in their children having a positive attitude too.
Is being an expat all about attitude?
Posted by Xpatulator in expat children, expat kids, moving countries on May 18, 2009
Is being an expat all about attitude, and if so, does this have an immense influence on expat children and how they perceive their situation in this new environment?
If as adults we are so unsure about moving to another culture, how do you think our children are feeling?
The inevitable question is “Do we leave our comfort zone?”
What this question means is that we disrupt our lives, move away from everything we know and love, our home comforts, family and friends. And finally do we tear our children away from all the above? Inevitably they have the same concerns as we do…. And in the end, do they have the choice or a say in the move?
I can tell you this, in their minds they are asking questions like, can I adapt, will I be happy, how can Mom and Dad do this to me, will I make new friends, will I be accepted, will I be good enough and to top it all off they are leaving all their friends behind, just like you are.
More on this topic tomorrow….
