Archive for category Expat schooling
Which expat are you?
The one great advantage when you exercise is not only getting fit and in shape, but also that it gives your mind time to think. My thoughts during my last session was on the different types of Expats that you get. I am not referring to nationalities or cultures but more to the country that you find yourself being an expat in which can determine the type of expat you will be.
I determined that there are 3 types of expat country experiences:
1. When as an expat you move to a country that is similar to your own, but you are still culturally different, e.g. an American moving to Britain. Fundamentally, you speak the same language, you eat similar foods, you have similar cultural habits and have watched movies or listened to music that is, can I say it again, similar.
However, even with these similarities there are differences too, they are minute but they are there. Whether it is a word that is different but has the same meaning, e.g. Barbeque to the South African Braai, or the way you address someone from a courteous “Hello, how do you do?” to “Hiya doin?” There are differences and you can feel and do experience these within the country. Your accent is also a dead giveaway and sometimes as an expat you are shunned purely due to this basic difference.
2. The country in between two extremes, this would be the expat that moves from e.g. Australia (English being the common language) to the Middle East. Your official business language is English and most people would be able to speak and understand English, but you cannot do the same for their official language. There is a commonality that exists as well, this host country has been exposed to Western culture through trade and industry, politics and commerce. Sometimes these expats are more readily accepted as a foreign guest in their country. You are respectful of your host countries culture and traditions and are willing to emerge yourself into becoming part of the culture.
3. Moving to a country that is the polar opposite to what you are used to, your nationality is completely and utterly different e.g. Argentinian moving to China. The official language is one that most people will battle to learn, so when you are standing in a queue you haven’t got a clue what is being said around you. Your culture, traditions and habits are as vast as the Sahara Desert. You really have to acquire new skills and make major adaptations to survive. As much as this type of expat experience can be rather a challeneg, it can have surprising advantages. If you cannot understand the local language, it incentivises you to learn and forces you to be more adventurous and social in trying to fit in and develop a commonality with the local population. Expats also tend to support each other more as everyone can feel the vast divide between locals and expats. It allows groups of expats to formalize clubs that bind common interests and creates a social infrastructure of support.
There is another type of expat that we should include under number 3, this would be a person moving from e.g. China to America. Commonly when a Westerner moves to a host country as an expat there are systems set up to support these people, e.g. compounds in which to live, social groups to belong to, etc. However, this is not necessarily the case for non-Western expats when moving from their countries to e.g. America or the UK. These expats are not living in compounds or introduced to groups that are similar to themselves. They are often left to their own devices and need to find their own survival mechanisms. This type of expat experience could actually be the most difficult of all.
Which expat are you and are there more?
Denise is an Expat, Mom, Wife and Marketing Manager at http://www.xpatulator.com/ a website that provides cost of living index information and calculates what you need to earn in a different location to compensate for cost of living, hardship, and exchange rate differences. The complete cost of living rank for all 300 locations for all 13 baskets is available here.
The Seasoned Expat continued……
Posted by Xpatulator in 2011 international cost of living, cost of living, cost of living allowance, cost of living calculator, cost of living comparison, cost of living index, expat, Expat attitudes, expat children, expat kids, Expat schooling, expatriate, expatriate engagement, Expatriate Hardship on June 23, 2011
The Seasoned Expat continued……
Posted by Xpatulator in 2011 international cost of living, cost of living, cost of living allowance, cost of living calculator, cost of living comparison, cost of living index, cost of living ranking, cost of living rankings, expat, Expat attitudes, expat children, expat kids, Expat schooling, expatriate, expatriate engagement, Expatriate Hardship on June 22, 2011
The Seasoned Expat
Posted by Xpatulator in 2011, 2011 international cost of living, cost of living, cost of living allowance, cost of living calculator, cost of living index, cost of living ranking, cost of living rankings, expat, Expat attitudes, expat children, expat kids, Expat Kids Expat chilren, Expat schooling, expatriate, expatriate engagement, Expatriate Hardship, Expatriate Package, Expatriate Pay, Expatriate Prospects, Expatriate Relocation, Expatriate Salary on June 20, 2011
2. Can the animals come with, what are the laws regarding this?
2. Finding a relocation / removal company
3. Finding an animal relocation company, if you are taking the animals with
4. Buying airline tickets
5. Settling any debts that may arise while you are away
6. Setting up a way to pay for any debts that may arise
7. Saying goodbye to family and friends
8. Selecting a family member or friend to deal with any business / banking issues that may arise
Expat Kids, all about attitude
Posted by Xpatulator in Expat Kids Expat chilren, Expat schooling on June 1, 2009
Is being an expat all about attitude, and if so, does this have an immense influence on expat children and how they perceive their situation in this new environment?
After much research on the topic there were a few points that stood out for me on how to be an expat child these are discussed below:
1. Attitude
Your attitude as the adult and parent is going to greatly influence how your children settle in the country and accept the move.
We can decide whether to be positive or negative about becoming expats. The more positive parent results in a well adjusted child who looks at the glass half full, finds the positive in every situation and tries to adjust as much as you do.
Trudie says: We saw this move as a wonderful opportunity to expose our children to the world and maybe broaden their horizons.
Shirley says: I hated where we moved to and people were not as friendly as I thought they would be and it was hard and lonely. I had to work hard to change, but with a positive attitude, my children have become so much happier.
2. Being Open minded:
In every case of becoming an expat, the circumstances you are going to experience are different. If you have not been brought up in the culture it is going to be an adjustment. Parents need to be open minded and to allow their children to do the same.
Monique says: Being an expat parent really depends on a lot of things, e.g. where you are being posted, most of my postings have been to central African countries where food and medical care can be scarce. This can be stressful with younger kids and as a parent you need to be open minded and prepared to adjust and change your way of thinking and learn many new skills, like administering medical aid, like doing your own stitches on a screaming kid without pain killers.
3. The right Schooling
We can easily make the wrong school choice for our children (even in our own countries), but when moving to a culturally different country this could be what either develops your child into having a positive attitude or not.
Let your child go to a school that will suite his/her personality. Will they develop better in a smaller, bigger, sporty or academic school, what is the vision of the school for the students, check and double check if your child will suite the style of the school. Many parents prefer to home school their children. Children need to thrive and will do so if the school appropriately develops their strengths. Find a school that teaches in your child’s home language and that has children around them with similar cultural backgrounds. Sometimes you do not have an option e.g. there is only 1 school available, get involved with the school and teach your child about cultural diversity. If your child is old enough, discuss the options with them and let them help make the decision.
Liz writes: I would seriously recommend sending your kids to a similar type size of school you are leaving, we went from a little school to a private huge, pressure school, the main focus was on academics but not a holistic school. WORSE mistake, Nick went from a happy outgoing little boy to vomiting every day and getting nauseous when we drove past the school. NIGHTMARE the school offered no support only interested in bums in seats and $ in the bank.
Well it was so bad we contemplated going back to the country we had come from (not home), but gave a smaller school a go. Nick had counseling for the trauma, and is back to his happy self.
4. Immerse your family in the language, culture and religion.
Try to learn the new language, immerse this in the culture, religion and history of the country, go to museums, take tours and do a bit of what the locals would do and participate in some of the festivals. Make it fun, tell them stories about the culture and history, and make it educational at the same time. Imagine the stories your children will be able to tell their friends back at home of their adventures.
Denise says: We take the children to the museums, on safaris, to cultural villages, and encourage them to try the local food, it may just surprise the taste buds. Mostly we want them to learn the local language so that they can communicate with their peers. Who knows they may well live here when they are older.
5. Be Encouraging
Encourage your child to take part in different activities. Let them learn that they can overcome any challenge thrown their way, encourage and support them with whatever decisions they make. They are likely to develop a belief that they can achieve anything in life, as long as they are positive and set their minds to it. They will learn to embrace challenges head on, rather than being too afraid and shying away from these situations.
Trudie says: I love the freedom that we have here, that we don’t have to worry that something will happen to our child if he goes to the bookshop by himself or to the bathroom. I let my child become independent with confidence. We encourage it.
Denise says: I remember growing up very protected from the outside world. As an 18 year old, I had no worldly experience and could not make any decisions in life. It has been hard to unlearn that and to make decisions you feel are right for you. I want my children to be unafraid of making decisions and be courageous enough to try.
6. Flexibility and stability
Be flexible in your daily life and know that life is not to be taken too seriously, focus on opportunities to have fun and learn in the process. Your children will take a page from your book and learn to be flexible in their own lives. There is always somewhere new to go and people to meet. It is an adventure, so take advantage of the opportunity. At the same time you need to maintain a stable relationship and environment for your children because one of the most difficult things for the expat child is building long-lasting friendships and not seeing the home they are living in as home.
Denise says, “The feeling of not knowing what’s coming next can be quite stressful at times, and I often have that sick feeling in my stomach about where life is going to take us next, I want my children to be flexibe and be ok with wherever they land up. So I try and show that, I am excited so that my kids will grow up not being apprehensive like I am. Life is for the living, so we must live it.”
Trudie: This is definitely not home and never will be, but I’m not really sure that matters, as long as they know home is somewhere.
7. Communicating with others
Remember the way you interact with people as an expat will determine how your child will interact and accept people from different backgrounds. As an expat you are going to encounter, not only the new local culture and people, but people from all walks of life, from countries they may never have heard of. Your children need to be encouraged to be unprejudiced towards different cultures.
8. Communicating with your children
It is so important to constantly communicate with your children. Did you involve them in the decision to relocate?
Denise: When my husband came back from his interview and had been offered the position, we told the kids about the country and focused on the positive aspects of moving, eventually our son asked whether we could please move there. We were very excited that he was so excited.
It is important to consider your child’s opinions and constantly talk to them about how they are feeling. Listen to your children, really listen!
Trudie: We constantly communicated, during our alone time I reassure Matthew that dad will be with us soon, when dad went straight to our expat spot and we had to go there Matthew was the first to jump at the idea. We also constantly talk about the fact that we will move again- this is not home yet- we will be here for a couple of years – we wanted Matthew to be prepared for that and use it to motivate him-work harder at school etc.
Monique writes: I discuss everything with my kids and never hide the truth from them, they have learnt a lot and I would not change what we have done, they have really experienced life to the fullest, doing things most kids their age dream about.
9. Personality, age and attachment types
Your child’s personality, age and how they attach themselves to you is also going to determine how well they settle.
Denise: My daughter who is 6 remembers those people who were closest to her, she remembers experiences mainly through our home videos. Our son at 8 remembers a lot more about home and took longer to settle and make friends. Jess will attach herself to mostly any other children, Sean will shy away and take longer to be comfortable to mingle, but once the mingling starts he is just fine.
Teenage years are tougher. If your child is shy, and attaches themselves to you for support, then settling will be harder. The child with an assertive, outgoing personality is going to find it a lot easier to get along in the new environment. To help, make play dates for the shy child, join clubs, and take them to different social events. In the long run, it is going to make your life easier if your children have friends and settle down.
Get your kids to focus on what they are experiencing right now and not on the things they are missing out on at home. If they are feeling depressed, get busy and have fun!
Shirley says: I did not worry about Natalie (she was 13) I thought she would adapt easier than Marco (15 ½), which was the case in the end.
Marco could not play the sports he was really good at. He found it hard to settle into a boy school after being at a mixed school. I think this was a tough time and I worried and felt sorry for him. He also found it difficult to make friends at the beginning, that changed after a couple of months and he has now made some good friends.
Natalie was more adaptable, she made friends quickly and easily … she even has a local accent now. We encouraged everything they did and gave them the space they needed to grow. We let them be independent, which we could not do at home. They have flourished and are very independent, strong and self assured now.
10. Family traditions, original culture and language
It is important to keep your countries traditions going within the family, remember everyone at home is growing up with those traditions and if you are going back to live, keep those traditions alive within your own family.
Trudie: Well where we come from we don’t have any dress codes but two things that are close to our hearts, are sport and food. We always watch all and every major sporting event from cricket to rugby with our kids, they can see the intensity and passion we have towards sport. The food part is easy, my children get traditional food over and over on a weekly bases.
It also helps to create new family traditions while maintaining your own value system.
Last thoughts:
Much of the research I encountered showed that expat kids grow up to be diversified, tolerant, intelligent, savvy, articulate, worldly wise and interesting adults.
http://www.xpatulator.com
The right Schooling
Posted by Xpatulator in Expat schooling on May 31, 2009
We can so easily make the wrong school choice for our children (even in our own countries), but when moving to a culturally different country this could be what either develops your child into having a positive attitude or not.
Let your child go to a school that will suite his/her personality. Will they develop better in a smaller or bigger school, a social / sporty or academic school, what is the vision of the school for the students, check, check and double check if your child will suite the style of the school. Perhaps home schooling is another option to look into. Children need to thrive and will do so if the school appropriately develops their strengths. Send them to a school where they teach in your child’s home language and have children around them with similar cultural backgrounds e.g. sending a Christian child to a Muslim school or vice versa, may create boundaries for that child. Sometimes you do not have an option e.g. there is only 1 school available, but then get involved with the school and teach your child about cultural diversity. It is not “bad” to let your child go to a different school to learn about the new culture or language, but make sure that the child has the type of personality that can cope with this diverse education, else in the long term it may be damaging to their growth. Look at all the options and if your child is old enough, discuss the options with them and let them help make the decision. Educating your child is not an option, they need to be educated but they can help decide where they will be happiest. Remember your child is not you! Where you may cope, he or she may not, his / her strengths are different to yours and respect that they are their own individuals.
Liz writes: I would seriously recommend sending your kids to a similar type size of school you are leaving, we went from a gorgeous little school to a private huge, pressure pressure school, the main focus was on the academics but not a holistic school. WORSE mistake, Nick went from a happy outgoing little boy to vomiting every day and getting nauseous when we drove past the school. NIGHTMARE the school offered no support only interested in bums in seats and $ in the bank.
Well it was sooo bad we contemplated going back to the country we had just come from (not home by the way), but gave a smaller school a go. Nick had counseling from the trauma, and is back to his old happy self ….. so my friends don’t get caught up in the hype but go with your gut feel.
